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We have already begun to send books to those who have ordered.  It is my hope that the book generates discussion on ministry mentoring in churches and Christian organizations. But not only discussion. We do not only want to reflect on mentoring. We want to engage those who will benefit from purposeful mentoring relationships.

We also want to seek out those who will mentor us. Often it is the mentee who needs to be proactive and seek out the mentor they need. In one of the chapters in the book, I address the mentee. I explore the answers to the question why we need mentors, what happens in a mentoring relationship, how to find good mentors, and how to make the most of a mentoring relationship. If you are interested in reading this chapter for yourself as a sample of the book, Ministering Forward, you may submit the necessary information below and you will receive a downloadable link.

If you are ready to order a copy now, you can do that here.

I am pleased to report that my  book on ministry mentoring is now ready for printing and should be available within a month or so. The whole publishing process has been a learning experience for me. I have spoken with many different people, read many articles, researched several different options, investigated different companies and have settled on publishing with a Canadian Christian company, Word Alive Press.

My intention in writing the book was to provide a guide to ministry mentoring which is biblically based and practical. I believe that if people involved in Christian ministry read the book, they will have an opportunity to reflect on how they can mentor emerging leaders in more effective ways.  I am convinced that one of the barriers to mentoring effectively in ministry contexts is that we are not always clear on what we understand by mentoring and so our mentoring experiences are less than satisfying. We know that we should mentor. We think we know how to mentor. But when we actually attempt to do it we do not know whether it has worked. Sometimes, we strike gold and how that energizes us! Other times, we just don’t know why it seems so hard to help someone we know needs our mentoring help. At least that is how I felt, so I dug a little deeper to find out how I can be a better mentor.

In writing Ministering Forward, I have tried to understand ministry mentoring better and then suggest how we can all do this mentoring thing a  little more like Jesus and Paul did–albeit in a twenty-first century context.

You can pre-order the book here.

See what others are saying about Ministering Forward here.

EXCERPT FROM the  Introduction of Ministering Forward: Mentoring Tomorrow’s Christian Leaders 

During my teen years, I helped my father build cabins at a Christian camp. Dad was the pastor of a small church, but he was also a carpenter who used his skills to supplement the family income. He took me along with him to help.

I enjoyed these times because it gave me the opportunity to spend quality time with Dad in an otherwise very busy phase of his life. One of the first things he taught me was how to hammer nails without damaging the wood. At the time, I thought I was helping him, but I soon realized he could have finished the job much more quickly had he done it himself. It was much later that I understood these trips to the camp hadn’t been just about me helping him build cabins; they had been about me spending time with Dad and developing a relationship with him. I learned many life lessons during our lunchtime discussions, and I observed how he related to other workers.

He was more than just my father; he was also my mentor. We didn’t use that term in those days, but what we now call mentoring indeed happened in our relationship. And yes, I did acquire some basic carpentry skills.

Years later, when I entered the ministry, my father became my ministry mentor. It was not a formal, spelled-out arrangement, but we served together. I worked with him as his assistant pastor. He had experience. I was inexperienced. I watched him do ministry, and we talked about it. He watched me do ministry and provided feedback. He knew how to do this mentoring thing because that’s what they do in the construction industry, except they call it “apprenticeship.”

We only worked together for a few months, but this season became the basis of many mentoring encounters with him in a lifetime of ministry. Since then, I’ve had many other mentors who have enriched my life and ministry. I have also had the opportunity to relate to others in a mentoring role.

At one point, a younger minister was assigned to me so I could supervise and advise him in his ministerial duties and activities. We agreed on some ground rules for the relationship and set a fixed weekly time to meet. We also had other opportunities to meet from time to time in a variety of ministry contexts. I established an open-door policy in which he usually had access to me. We had what I would now call an “intentional ministry mentoring relationship.”

My focus in this relationship was twofold: what was God’s best for this young minister, and how could I help the kingdom of God advance through his ministry? His focus was to receive the benefit of my life and ministry experience and apply it to his life and ministry.

As we met on a regular basis, we dealt with character issues, family matters, ministry strategies, ministry competencies, and relationships with other people–essentially no subject was off-limits. I would encourage, advise, and challenge. He would share his heart, his dreams, and his concerns. This mentoring context became a safe place for him to test his theories and ideas about life and ministry. I was a sounding board.

For the most part, I resisted telling him what I thought he should do, but I gave him the benefit of my opinions on ministry practices and relational issues, for whatever they were worth. This arrangement, which we kept in place for several years, contributed to a fruitful ministry for the younger minister. I was also thoroughly enriched as I gleaned from his perspective and participated in his excitement when things were going well, and his disappointments when there were setbacks.

Thinking back on this scenario, I was grateful for the privilege of having had the opportunity to make a positive impact on him, as well as having received the blessings of sharing in another’s ministry. I have subsequently had opportunities to mentor others in a variety of ministry contexts, with both positive and negative experiences and outcomes. On further reflection, I realized that I could be a mentor because I had been the beneficiary of mentors at different times throughout my own ministry journey. Others had invested time and demonstrated care for my development. I had also experienced times of looking for and not finding mentors who would walk with me during some of the crucial phases of ministry. There were also times when I wasn’t the best mentor to those who may have been looking for it from me. Sometimes I just didn’t know how to do it given the circumstance. Other times I didn’t have or make the time.

The combination of these experiences motivated me to understand better what mentoring is and how it works. This curiosity led me to research the subject…

Now I have written a book to invite Christian leaders to consider how they can integrate mentoring into their ministry to ensure the transfer of living faith and Spirit-empowered ministry to the next generation. This book will be available in July 2017.

 

 

An important part of establishing the mentoring agenda is for the mentor to know the story of the mentee. In their book on Deep Mentoring, Reese and Loane suggest that “if we are going to walk alongside others, seeking to pay attention with them to what God is up to in their lives, then we must pay attention to the story of their lives.”^[1] Questions need to be asked about the life and ministry journey that brought them to seek mentorship. What are the factors that have shaped them in the past and what continues to shape them in the present? Are there defining moments, experiences, people, and circumstances that need to be highlighted as indicators of God’s guiding presence in their lives? These can be marked on a timeline to help identify the patterns and recurring themes in the mentee’s life which explain their current reality. These can also indicate where their life and ministry journey is taking them. This “big picture” view of the mentee’s journey brings clarity, helping the mentor locate where the mentee is in his or her leadership journey. At the same time, it helps keep their long-term objectives and purposes in view.

A timeline approach pays attention to what God has been doing in the past and how life experiences have impacted the mentee. As these are narrated, the mentor needs to hear the story as it is told, listening for significant events which happened to the mentee and how the mentee responded to those experiences. At some point in the mentoring relationship, the mentor may offer different perspectives to the mentee to process those life events in the most beneficial way.

This is an excerpt from my book,  Ministering Forward: Mentoring Tomorrow’s Christian Leaders which is coming out in July 2017)

[1]  Randy D. Reese and Robert Loane, Deep Mentoring: Guiding Others on Their Leadership Journey (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2012), 57.

I am writing a book on Christian Ministry Mentoring but for almost a year, I had put it on the back burner. I have in the last few months made significant progress on the book and will be completing it shortly and submitting it to an editor for a manuscript analysis. I will share more about that in a later blog. For this week I want to share a powerful principle of which I have been reminded as I reflect on what Jesus endured on the cross.

Any time you do try to do anything to improve yourself or to make the world a better place you will meet with resistance. Existing systems within yourself and your environment seem to take on a personality which maliciously conspires to stop you from fulfilling your mission and purpose. And undoubtedly the enemy of our souls is part of that resistance. One of the ways the apostle Paul explained it this: “So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.” (Romans 7:21–23, NIV). He then points to God who delivers us from this struggle through the Lord Jesus Christ.

But it is not always an instantaneous deliverance. The pathway to that deliverance usually involves perseverance, endurance, and persistence. So how can you sustain that?  Jesus shows us how it works.  As he faced the humiliation and suffering of the cross, he focused on “the joy set before him” and “endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2, NIV). He kept his eyes on the ultimate prize. He persevered through the resistance because of the joy set before him–the joy that comes from an accomplished mission of providing salvation for humanity. There are undoubtedly many spiritual resources you can draw on to push through the resistance. At least one of them is to keep your eyes on the ultimate prize as Jesus did.

 

 

Intentional and Transparent Modeling

Being a mentor is more than just having discussions and dispensing advice. It is also about an intentional demonstration of life and service so mentees can observe their mentors in real life situations. There are many nuances and subtleties that cannot be discussed or taught. They need to be observed in action. Also things observed are much more easily remembered. So whenever it is possible and practical mentors should create situations where mentees can observe them in action. This is how Jesus mentored his disciples. This was also a part of the apostle Paul’s method. He was intentional and transparent. “We did this … in order to offer ourselves as a model for you to imitate.” (2 Thessalonians 3:9, NIV) He invited people to follow his example. “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV) The credibility of mentorship often rests on mentees actually having seen their mentor in action. If direct observation is not possible or practical, mentees can observe indirectly as the mentor shares what they have done, said, and thought in various situations of their ministry.

Both character traits and ministry skills should be modelled. Being an example or modelling behaviour is often done unconsciously. It is probably better that it is unconscious because it can then be genuine and real. But the mentor does need to be aware that he or she is being observed by the mentee. This can also be a good incentive to stay sharp in all areas for the purpose of a highly effective mentoring relationship. Mentees should see how mentors brings their character traits to the different roles they play. The mentor may play different roles but the character should be consistent. In other words, the mentor may wear different hats but always have the same face (not wearing different masks).

How Transparent should a Mentor Be?

While it is good for the mentor be transparent for the benefit of the mentee, there are some aspects of self-disclosure that should be measured in relation to the level of trust (See figure below). It is not always appropriate for the mentor to allow the mentee to know everything about the mentor. But the mentor should self-disclose when it may be helpful for the learning of the mentee. A certain level of self-disclosure in the area of struggles that the mentor has faced at various times can encourage the mentee face similar struggles. Appropriate self-disclosure will put the seemingly unreachable achievements of the mentor into proper perspective for the mentee. This also reduces the temptation for the mentor to appear as a faultless hero to the mentee. The mentor should not allow themselves to be seen at such a high place that the mentee can never reach. A mentor may be a little like a hero at the beginning of the relationship. But judicious self-disclosure will humanize the mentor. The mentor should not try to appear as someone who has mastered every challenge faced but as someone who by the grace of God has experienced some successes and endured some disappointments. The mentee is likely to learn much from how the mentor has worked through his or her weaknesses but the primary motive in sharing such experiences should be to help the mentee grow in their own life and ministry journey.

Developing Friendship in a Mentoring Relationship

Mentoring relationships develop as trust level rises and openness increases. The dynamics also change similar to the way a parent’s relationship develops from relating to the younger child, then to the teenage child and finally to the adult child according to the level of maturity of the child. In a ministry mentoring context mutuality develops as the mentor and mentee have a greater repertoire of shared ministry experiences.  They increasingly relate to one another from a similar level and a friendship develops. This kind of development is to be expected. We see this development in the relationship between Jesus and his disciples. Jesus was able to say to them: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15, NIV).  Friendships which begin in formal mentoring relationships often continue long after the formal arrangement is concluded.

In some mentoring relationships a development of friendship may be difficult because of the mentee’s view of hierarchical relationships. A mentee in such a case may not feel comfortable with the development of a more collegial relationship. The mentor will need to be sensitive and pay attention to the comfort level of the mentee. Not all mentoring relationships will develop into friendships but they can still fulfill the learning objectives of the mentee.

Affirming and encouraging are the most important of mentoring activities. Affirmation relates to what already is: When things get difficult, mentees need to be reminded of their worth, who they are and what they have already achieved. When mentors remind them of this, they are affirming them. From a spiritual perspective, affirmation is the mentor expressing faith and confidence in the mentee as the person God meant them to be as well as reminding them of what God has already helped them to accomplish. Continue reading “Mentors Affirm and Encourage”

Knowing the Mentee

The focus of a mentoring relationship is on the mentees. For that reason, mentors will do well to take the time and the effort to get to know well the persons being mentored. This will enable the mentor is to fine tune their approach with regard to the mentees’ uniqueness as an individual and also help them move towards greater self-awareness in the various aspects of their life and ministry. Continue reading “Get to Know Your Mentee”

When we speak of mentee selection, we are envisioning an intentional ongoing mentoring relationship which assumes many encounters over a time span of months or possibly years. (Mentee selection may not be a primary concern in spontaneous mentoring encounters with occasional mentees.) Jesus intentionally and carefully selected those disciples with whom he would spend more time. Continue reading “Intentional Mentee Selection”