Affirming and encouraging are the most important of mentoring activities. Affirmation relates to what already is: When things get difficult, mentees need to be reminded of their worth, who they are and what they have already achieved. When mentors remind them of this, they are affirming them. From a spiritual perspective, affirmation is the mentor expressing faith and confidence in the mentee as the person God meant them to be as well as reminding them of what God has already helped them to accomplish.
Encouragement relates to what has yet to be accomplished. The mentee may be facing an overwhelming task. They may need emotional support especially when they face negative circumstances and uncooperative people. Negative feedback wherever it comes from sticks to a person more readily and leads to discouragement so an increase in genuine encouragement is always welcome. Even talented people need to be encouraged from time to time. Encouraging words and actions can help them see things more positively. It has been suggested that “…it takes five positive comments to offset the impact of a single negative one.”
Affirm the Heart of the Dream
A young ministry leader may share with their mentor great visions and dreams concerning future ministry plans and expectations. Having the benefit of more experience, the mentor may know that some of what they are sharing is not realistic. A skilled mentor will know how to affirm the heart out of which the dream flows while at the same time gently suggest more realistic scenarios and help the mentee see actual limitations in order to reduce the scope of the vision to something that is achievable and significant. Saccone offers this mentoring tip: “When a protégé takes a risk, steps out in courage, or initiates, make sure you affirm their proactivity…Celebrate the right kind of risks even if the desired outcome doesn’t happen” (Saccone and Saconne, Protégé)
Stimulate Growth with Challenging Assignments
During the course of the mentoring relationship, the mentor wants to see the mentees expand their capacity for ministry. One of the ways to do this is to give them assignments that challenge them and stretch them. They should not be given assignments that are so far beyond their ability that they fail and become discouraged. Neither should the assignments be so easy that they stop be stretched and lose interest. Assignments should be based on the area of the mentees’ actual ministry that represents where they need to grow. It is best when such an assignment is something mentees themselves design or at least participate in designing. As they launch into their assignments the mentor will help them to overcome their fears by encouraging them along the way. After the assignment is completed or comes to a conclusion, effective mentors will take time to debrief so they can provide correction and encouragement.
Provide Correction
There are two general areas in which correction may be required. One relates to Christian behaviour and character issues and the other relates to ministry skill development issues. Since ministry mentoring as defined in this blog relates to all of life and ministry both of these areas are in view.
Correction needs to be balanced with affirmation. For instance, it is important to deal with behaviours that are unethical, improper, ungodly and sinful. We cannot affirm such behaviours but we need to reaffirm the identity in Christ of the mentee who has behaved beneath his or their Christian calling. For instance, if he or she has been caught in a lie, the mentor does not label them as a liar. Rather, the mentor will say something that reflects this kind of thinking: “You are a follower of Christ; followers of Christ do not lie; yet in this instance you have lied. What do you think you need to do to bring your behaviour back into alignment with your identity?” This is correcting the behaviour while affirming the person.
In the case of dealing with mistakes, failures and errors in judgment in ministry, the wise mentor will have created a relational environment and context that is generally affirming of the ministry skills of a mentee. Then, when it becomes necessary to correct the mentee for doing something wrong in ministry practice, a simple corrective debriefing will usually suffice. I remember once when I had done something unwise, my mentor (who also happened to be my ministry supervisor) confronted me on that action. He simply said, “Don’t ever do that again!” Because he was generally affirming of my ministry, it was not difficult to receive that simple rebuke and yes, I got the point and never repeated that behaviour. Sometimes the correction can take the form of a longer debriefing where the unwise behaviour can be analyzed along these lines: “Do you know what you did wrong? Do you understand why it is wrong? What would a more appropriate and wise approach or behaviour have been in this case?” Again, this is done in an environment of affirmation and ongoing encouragement. This is the approach the apostle Paul took in his letters to the churches: first commendation; then correction followed by instruction and encouragement.
Correction does not need to be overly negative and judgemental in a way that discourages. Rather, correction is more effective when it is framed with grace that shows the way forward. In most cases, it is best to provide correction away from the ears of other people. Publicly shaming the mentee is usually not helpful.
Narrate Growth and Development
As a mentor it is good from time to time to help mentees gain a broader perspective with regard to their development. This is done by helping them see what specific progress they have made over time. It often helps to point to a starting point such as the beginning of the mentoring relationship and identify areas where there has been evidence of personal growth and fruitfulness in ministry. The mentee should then be encouraged to identify their current situation and direction of movement. Finally, the mentor can invite them to think of the preferred future as a reasonable possibility based on the evidence of forward movement they have already experienced. An example statement could say:: “I remember when you used to [be like this]…; now you [are like this]…; soon you will progress to [be like this]…”) Sometimes the mentee may not be aware of their progress until you describe it to them. This type of reflection can be an encouragement to the mentee in their growth particularly in discouraging times.
Nurture Creativity
The mentee is a unique individual who may have some innovative approaches to ministry. However, conventional systems and the people who are comfortable with status quo have a way of stifling creativity. A mentoring relationship provides a safe place and an opportunity for the mentee to talk about new ideas. The mentor can be the sounding board for these ideas and in fact should encourage discussion about them and how these may be integrated into the ministry context. The mentor may be able to provide the wisdom required to actually implement these ideas in a way that they may actually be implemented. This kind of discussion is where the mentor can also learn some new things and participate in some potentially exciting endeavours.
(Some of the headings in this blog article have come from Johnson and Ridley’s The Elements of of Mentoring)