Knowing the Mentee
The focus of a mentoring relationship is on the mentees. For that reason, mentors will do well to take the time and the effort to get to know well the persons being mentored. This will enable the mentor is to fine tune their approach with regard to the mentees’ uniqueness as an individual and also help them move towards greater self-awareness in the various aspects of their life and ministry. For instance, mentors should observe and learn these things about their mentees:
- What are their gifts and abilities?
- What are their fears?
- What is their pain?
- What are their passions?
- What is the best way of helping them align their priorities and reach their potential? (Adapted from D. A. Stoddard and R. Tamasy The Heart of Mentoring)
Identify and Call out the Gifts
As the mentor gets to know the mentee, a picture emerges of what potential exists within them. It is the mentor’s responsibility to call that potential forth into behavioral reality. The mentor should not try to call something forth which is not already present. The mentor needs to work with what is within the mentee–not trying to squeeze something out of the mentee that is not already there in seed form. Every mentee is unique–possessing different gifts, different abilities, different experiences and different passions. The mentor needs to discern what those things are and reinforce them. The mentee may not always be aware of them so the mentor needs to help identify those strengths and encourage their development. The mentor should be quick to acknowledge appropriate use of the mentee’s gifts and abilities and celebrate with them any growth in those areas.
Progressing on the Spiritual Journey
Another important area to consider assessing is the spirituality of the mentee since spiritual maturity is the foundation of the mentee’s ministry. One way to do this is to by using the dimensions of a Christian Leader an evaluative grid. (This is adapted from Arrow Leadership president Dr. Steve Brown’s leadership dashboard.)
The spiritual intimacy dimension considers the nature of their relationship with God: What does their devotional life look like in terms of prayer, worship, and knowledge of God? The community relationship dimension considers the quality of their connection to other Christians, to those outside the Christian faith and their family members. The godly character dimension considers how Christ-like they are: What aspects of the fruit of the spirit are present? How do their ethics reflect biblical instructions? The service dimension considers their ministry involvement and attitudes: How are they serving God? How are they serving fellow Christians? How are they serving outsiders?
In addition, you the mentor may continually ask these questions about your mentee as the relationship progresses: How far have they advanced since you last saw them? What are indicators of their eagerness to grow spiritually? What input is God calling you to have in their lives at this time based on your assessment? As you mentor someone, always be asking: “What is God doing in this person’s life and how can I cooperate with what He is doing?”